Welcome Back to the Land of the Living

I forgot how to live. Yeah I said it. I forgot what a life was like out in the real world instead of being held up alone in a rural farmhouse. It’s outlandish for me to even recall that I was a shut in for two years. I was a recluse. I never saw that coming.  I was miserable and lived everyday in pain from a neck and back condition. I didn’t leave the house much. It hurt too bad to go to the store or enjoy the outdoors. I pretty much gave up and accepted this as my life.

After all the changes in June I decided I was sick of my existence. I made some big changes and saw an improvement in my condition. I was much happier and started to venture out. I dated somebody for a short time. I had not dated in 15 months.  I was happy for a bit and of course it didn’t work out. I was upset but I went on with my life.   IMG_4979

I ran into an acquaintance one day and we started  talking. I really enjoyed talking to him.  We talked on the phone for hours about everything and nothing at all. I enjoyed hanging out with him. We always had fun. It felt natural being around him. After a while my feelings started to change and I saw him in a different light. I found myself smiling when he sent a text or he called. Three weeks is all it for me to consider dating him. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking so I made it known I was interested. Lucky for me he was thinking the same thing.IMG_5914

One summer night we went for a ride out in the country. We laughed and had a great time like we always did. We were friends still and nothing had changed. Towards the end out our road trip he reached over and held my hand. I had butterflies and my face got hot and so were my hands. I didn’t want the night to end but it was time for me to go home. I was nervous. As I turned to leave he reached over and kissed me. I felt like I was on fire from the inside.I felt weak. I smiled the entire time I drove home. I felt alive.

I was happy for a good while. Things were good. One day everything changed. I still don’t know why his feelings changed. I knew it deep down that he didn’t share my feelings and he was finished. I had fallen in love and I was on one helluva emotional roller coaster. For the last month I was left to guess and I was always upset because he didn’t want to see me. I finally confronted him and he told me he just wanted to be friends. I was crushed,  My heart was broken. Being his friend was like some consolation prize to make me feel better. It pissed me off. I cried over it for a few days. I honestly don’t know if I can be friends with him. It’s too fresh. broken-heart-quotes-if-it-doesnt-break-your-heart-it-isnt-love

The Land of the Living is full of heartbreak. I didn’t miss that part at all. I miss what we had. It was different and I thought it was real. Hey I’ve been wrong before. Thank goodness I made some awesome friends that have helped me through my broken heart. I’m thankful for them and I enjoy all the fun things we do together. I’m so happy i don’t stay home alone all the time anymore. I like this living business. I’m always looking for a new adventure. I think that maybe just maybe I know what lies ahead,

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3 thoughts on “Welcome Back to the Land of the Living

  1. I loved this deep, honest, look into your world darling. It filled me with so much emotion, hope, and faith that you needed to take that time to heal. Welcome back to the land of living, it’s crazy, wild, painful at times, and wonderful place to be. ❤️

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