Welcome Back to the Land of the Living

I forgot how to live. Yeah I said it. I forgot what a life was like out in the real world instead of being held up alone in a rural farmhouse. It’s outlandish for me to even recall that I was a shut in for two years. I was a recluse. I never saw that coming.  I was miserable and lived everyday in pain from a neck and back condition. I didn’t leave the house much. It hurt too bad to go to the store or enjoy the outdoors. I pretty much gave up and accepted this as my life.

After all the changes in June I decided I was sick of my existence. I made some big changes and saw an improvement in my condition. I was much happier and started to venture out. I dated somebody for a short time. I had not dated in 15 months.  I was happy for a bit and of course it didn’t work out. I was upset but I went on with my life.   

I ran into an acquaintance one day and we started  talking. I really enjoyed talking to him.  We talked on the phone for hours about everything and nothing at all. I enjoyed hanging out with him. We always had fun. It felt natural being around him. After a while my feelings started to change and I saw him in a different light. I found myself smiling when he sent a text or he called. Three weeks is all it for me to consider dating him. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking so I made it known I was interested. Lucky for me he was thinking the same thing.

One summer night we went for a ride out in the country. We laughed and had a great time like we always did. We were friends still and nothing had changed. Towards the end out our road trip he reached over and held my hand. I had butterflies and my face got hot and so were my hands. I didn’t want the night to end but it was time for me to go home. I was nervous. As I turned to leave he reached over and kissed me. I felt like I was on fire from the inside.I felt weak. I smiled the entire time I drove home. I felt alive.

I was happy for a good while. Things were good. One day everything changed. I still don’t know why his feelings changed. I knew it deep down that he didn’t share my feelings and he was finished. I had fallen in love and I was on one helluva emotional roller coaster. For the last month I was left to guess and I was always upset because he didn’t want to see me. I finally confronted him and he told me he just wanted to be friends. I was crushed,  My heart was broken. Being his friend was like some consolation prize to make me feel better. It pissed me off. I cried over it for a few days. I honestly don’t know if I can be friends with him. It’s too fresh. 

The Land of the Living is full of heartbreak. I didn’t miss that part at all. I miss what we had. It was different and I thought it was real. Hey I’ve been wrong before. Thank goodness I made some awesome friends that have helped me through my broken heart. I’m thankful for them and I enjoy all the fun things we do together. I’m so happy i don’t stay home alone all the time anymore. I like this living business. I’m always looking for a new adventure. I think that maybe just maybe I know what lies ahead,