Sometimes It’s Hard to be a Woman

This post ain’t got a thing to do with standing by your man. Sorry Tammy Wynette. Good song but you missed a few of the things that are harder than loving a man.  As a woman we have to deal with all sorts of health related check ups yearly. It’s the crap part of being a woman. I like to put them off as long as I can. I kinda took a vacation from the joys of women’s health checkups.  I came back from this vacation and got hit with all sorts of problems. I won’t do that again. As a result Now I have to put up with this mess twice a year. Good times.

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I didn’t sleep the night before my visit to my NP for my results. She sat down and pulled up her chair. Yeah I’m screwed went through my mind. She explained I had a bi-rads 3 rating and basically it is abnormal. The crap thing that bi-rads 3 is wishy-washy. The explanation given in my report read “It’s probably not cancer however we can’t determine if it is or not.  You will need a follow-up mammogram in six months.” I let out a sinister laugh and asked my NP “What kind of contradictory bs is this? Really…I’m suppose to wait six months while this 8mm calcified growth with abnormal boarders just hangs out and does its thing?”  What in the hell kind of crap is this went through my mind. I got a little mad there for a moment and may or may not have lost my issh. She did not agree with waiting six months. She felt i needed to see a surgeon and made an appointment for me.  This is when my days started to run together. I felt sick and I needed air. This little abnormality was a surprise. Lump A was benign again. Lump B wasn’t even palpable yet. It just joined the party uninvited via mammogram. This was a sucky surprise.  Just no. Help me.

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The rest of the day was a blur. I was quiet and exhausted. I had the biggest secret and it was an ugly one.  Now it was time to wait some more for the appointment with the surgeon.  The days were long and my stress level was through the roof. Finally after a week of waiting my appointment was here. He read over the report and did another ultrasound on lump A which is benign. He thought it looked the same as in 2009 and was not a concern. Unfortunately the report wasn’t a huge help without the images since the abnormal one wasn’t palpable and it was deep. He needed the images before he could make a decision. I left the office not knowing anymore than I did when I came in there. I drove to the next town and got my images. I dropped them off at the office and went home.   Eight days later I got a phone call to schedule a lumpectomy and biopsy. This was really happening. It is real and I have to see this through to the end.  What in the hell am I going to do? I didn’t sign up for this. Why me? Why now? I have no answers.

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