The truth will set you free. It will also cut like a knife. The truth can be liberating or it can be devastating. Sometimes the truth is overrated. We beg for it though. I guess we hope for the best but often get the worst. Damn the truth and all the disappointment it sometimes brings. The ugly truth and the chaos that ensues is too much to bear sometimes. The moment you realize what you want can never be is heartbreaking. I have grieved for my dreams so many times. I have grieved for the life I thought I’d have. I have grieved for those that walked out on me and for the ones that were taken away. I now grieve over an impossible situation. I wanted this so desperately but I had to face the truth. Sometimes things just can’t be.
I’d like to think everything that happens is Kismet. I’d like to believe there is purpose in my pain. I want to believe I will be happy and have the things I once lost. I believe in lies. I thought it could happen again. I was wrong. I have to let go. People will cross our paths and we have to figure out their purpose. Some bring lessons and others bring truth. Sometimes they bring us happiness. I hate to see some of them go. I guess the ones with the most beautiful hearts can’t stay long. It wouldn’t be fair to keep all that beauty hostage. I so desperately need to understand why these beautiful souls can’t stay with us.
I will always struggle with the things I can’t understand. I long for the things I can’t have. I have to let go of the pretty things that live in my head. I know what the trouble with the truth is. It’s always the same damn thing. Pain.