I like a good rap song when I’m feeling foul. When I start thinking about stuff that pisses me off then I need to roll with it. I find a good rap song and let it flow. The more explicit the lyrics the better. I can go from average girl on the farm to Gangster rapper in 2 seconds flat. Too bad I don’t have any rap skills because I got the explicit lyrics on lock. Right now I’m home with Izzy and Cooper. They are not impressed with my potty mouth. It makes me feel better. It gets the aggravation out. Swearing is my guilty pleasure. I’m terrible I know. I’m an intelligent woman with a high IQ and an immense vocabulary. Regardless, I need cuss words and rap. It completes me. Do not be alarmed if you get beside me in traffic and I’m wildin out. This is me. DEAL WITH IT.
It’s 4am CST and I’m restless. Is it so wrong to turn to others when you need a friend? Is it wrong to want to interact with another human being? I can go from the anger to the hurt in 2 seconds flat. I’m drowning now. I will never understand why I let people get to me sometimes. I hold on to the hurt and just add the new on top of that. Letting go of the things that people do to me would be much easier. The pain they inflict on me just piles up over the old like a fresh coat of paint. This ain’t no pretty paint anybody would want. This is sordid and ugly. It’s uneven and it chips easily. I’m covered in it yet only I can see it.
I’ve come to realize the only way to get this tawdry mess off of me is to stop them. No more being nice, I need to care enough about myself and shut these people down. I will stand up for everyone except myself. This needs to stop. I am not a doormat or a rest stop. Do not treat me like one. I should bust out the rap lyrics on these suckas that try me. Anyone that knows me will tell you I’m not going to take bs. That is correct to an extent. I do let somethings slide because I feel they are too painful to deal with. I want them to go away. That’s not going to happen. I have to make it happen, I have a few choice rap lyrics in mind, Some are oldies and some are from the farm. I find Big Sean and E-40’s IDFWU liberating. I will be sure to rattle off a few lines next time a creeper rolls up on me.