I started my post with a video. Sometimes my words fail me. The words of this song have my back. This is what it feels like to be me. There’s a little hope in there and promise. I have to keep one foot in front of the other and try to get it in gear. I have managed to stay home this weekend. It seems those few months of having a life have faded away. The fun times are very few and far between. I need sunshine to revive me. I think it’s my only hope.
This song plays in my head and I can’t seem to snap of it. I wait for something beautiful to happen. It doesn’t though. Maybe I’m too broken like whomever she sings this song for. We don’t hear it honey. I think it’s lost on us. I hear this song and I think about the time I walked 4 miles in the middle of the night, My phone was dead and I had on flip-flops. I had a screwdriver in my pocket as a weapon. It was so dark I couldn’t see my nose. I was delirious from exhaustion. The soles of my feet were bleeding and I kept walking towards home. I kind of imagine this person going through this hell. She keeps going some how.
Walking in the dark battered and love-sick is an experience. I heed her words and don’t do anything I would regret out of loneliness. I keep walking and block the pain. All those things I thought I needed are nothing anymore. They make me feel empty and broken. Those people I thought cared leave me lonelier than ever. My fantasy love keeps me going. I don’t know that I will ever live to see it. I’d rather not settle for the things that will only destroy me in the end. I keep walking home. I am the only one I can depend on. I can hear them calling in the distance. I have to believe. It’s all I have left.