Zero

I’d like to tell you this was a happy post. I wish I could paint a picture that would leave you smiling. I can’t give you uplifting today. I am too pissed for that. I can do the ugly truth.  I do that better than anyone. What a difference a day makes. Twenty-four hours can screw you over with a quickness. Believe me when I say I’m a screw up. I’m tired of letting people in and being stupid about it. Why must I ignore the writing on the wall? I think I’ve suffered enough for one life time. When will I learn?

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I started writing this last night but I couldn’t finish it. I was too sad to even try. This is what I know. My timing sucks. I have a real connection with someone but the timing is crap. I have no choice but to hold back or retreat. This makes me less than happy. Do I understand his reasons? Yes. Does it make it easier? Nope. I’m pretty much at a loss for words at this point.

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I’m sometimes guilty of being happy and going all in without thinking about things. I jumped the gun and now I have to go back and wait. I’m not even sure if I completely understand what it is that I am doing. All I know is I’ve messed up. This sucks. Now it’s time to suck it up and move along.

I have zero clues as to what I’m suppose to be doing. I’m waiting for something and I’m confused as hell. I give zero £^<¥$ today. Why must I wait and wonder?

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