Straight Outta Feels

I’ve done so much soul-searching this summer. I’ve made major life changes. My eyes are wide open. I don’t like some of the things I see. I’ve turned a blind eye to entirely too much debauchery. I’m done.

I’m straight outta feels. Take notice.

I refuse to be used. I am not anyone’s whipping girl. I will not go out of my way for people who never give me a second thought. I will not comfort you in hard times when you forsake me during mine. No more giving to those that only take. It’s over. I’m not a doormat. I am a human being. I have thoughts and feelings. I am kind and I have talent. I am a writer. If you can’t read my stuff that saddens me especially if I wrote something for you.

Just kick me in the chest instead. Ignoring an offering of my soul is betrayal. 

If you aren’t here for me then leave me be. I don’t need to be mislead into thinking people care when they don’t. My limited time online has shown me the truth of who is really here for me.  Samara Speaks recently got booted from Facebook. She learned the same truth I’m rambling about. Being forgotten sucks. When you aren’t around to serve a purpose you disappear from people’s lives.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a figment of my imagination. The actions of others make this reality. 

Here’s my reality. I live and I breath. I stumble and fall. I’ve worked hard to take my life back. I let myself fade away for three long years. I was lost. I know what I’ve done and I carry that guilt. I don’t need any reminders. It’s not been easy. I’ve clawed my way back to being a functional adult with a dysfunctional mind.

Don’t steal my damn thunder. It’s my storm and I rode it out. 

I’m not asking for a pony because I got my life together. I am demanding respect. If you didn’t live my life then you don’t know what it’s been like and you will never understand. Judge me and hate me if you wish. Your opinion of me is none of my business. My opinion of myself is all that matters. I’m proud of myself. It’s a pity that others aren’t. The truth is it only drives me to prove people wrong.

Don’t underestimate me. I’m far more powerful than I even knew.

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18 thoughts on “Straight Outta Feels

  1. LOVE THIS and YOU! I understand this feeling so well. In the last 3 years many of my blood family have shown their true colors. And surprise surprise those colors are not as pristine white as they act. There for I do not and will not give a damn for those who have never given one for me and my kid.
    You are awesome doll! Tell the haters to kiss your ass as you drive away leaving them in the dust.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Awesome words as usual seester. I’m so very proud what you have been able to accomplish with your life in the last year. Words cannot express how good it feels to see very slowly your sister come back to her true self. You do deserve to be happy and have great things and good people in your life and if that’s not the case for them well… Fuck em it’s their loss bc your pretty awesome sauce! I love you to the moon and back 💗

    Liked by 1 person

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