Nothing lasts forever. Forever is a lie. All we have is what’s between hello and goodbye.
Last night I lie awake for hours. All the memories played in my mind like a movie on a continuous loop. I was overcome with sadness and I finally broke down. I cried for the first time since he let me go.The tears fell like the rains of a tropical storm. My soul wept. I spoke with a friend for sometime to ease my pain. I still don’t understand why it turned out this way. I never will.
He found me in the dark and brought me out in the light. I fought so long to not get involved with him. I lost that fight. Happiness became me as I let him in. He saw me. The real me. My demons remained though silenced by his presence. Could it be that maybe I’d found someone worth giving my heart to? I thought so. Things were good. I got comfortable and let my guard down. I fell too fast too soon. I would regret it soon.
I ignored the red flags and warning signs that my relationship was doomed. He didn’t have the same feelings I did. It was easy to figure out. We didn’t talk as much. He had other things to do. I rarely saw him and it hurt. I stuck it out when I should have ended it. Things got better. We made plans. I was hopeful.
When you are with someone you never think that it will be the last time you see them. I played that night over and over in my mind. We talked a lot that next day. Still things were good. The next day after a disagreement I was met with silence for days. I could never get an answer to my question about what was going on with us. Finally after a week he said he didn’t have time for me anymore. That’s all I got. I was angry.
I deleted every picture I had of him. I deleted his number and unfriended him on social media. I was pissed off because I deserved a real answer. I won’t ever get it. I’m good at reading between the lines though. I meant nothing to him. He wasn’t happy. I can accept these things. I just think it should have went down much different.
If I had it to do over again I would have said no. I wouldn’t have made an eleven-hundred mile trip in two days to see him. I wouldn’t have let him in. I wouldn’t have wasted 3 months on someone who didn’t want to be with me. I would have saved myself the heartache of wondering why my best wasn’t good enough. I should have left him alone.
I’m moving on with my life. I’m having to break the habit of thinking about you. I hope that each day a little bit of you leaves my mind. I don’t want to remember you. It’s much easier that way. Erasing you from me will set me free.